An Embarrassing Trip To The E.R.

         Note: I wrote this about two weeks ago, and I have been wanting to do some illustrations for it, but it seems that I either do not have the time, or I just have not got around to it. You be the judge. Anyways, I decided to just post it. Hopefully this is entertaining still.

        Have you ever been in a doctors office for some sort of embarrassing problem (other than being preggo), and when he asks you why exactly you are there to see him, you want to hit him and tell him to mind his own damn business and just treat you because that is why you are paying him?

         Anywhom, when I was a child, my father showed me lots of cool little tricks. For example, when I was eleven or so, he showed me that to see if an iron was hot, you could spit on it a tiny bit. If it sizzled it meant the iron was indeed hot, so you had better not burn yourself on it. I thought this was bad ass, so I would even occasionally* fire up the ol' iron so I could gleek on it and watch and hear it sizzle, even if all my shirts were completely wrinkle-free. I would spend hours* in the laundry room doing this. (I was, and still am, freaking great at gleeking, but that is another story.)

        One evening, I was playing some Sega Genisis in my room. I finished, turned the T.V. off, and then had a bright idea. If spitting on a hot iron produced a sweet sizzling action, then most likely it would also be awesome to spit on the light bulb in my lamp. Those bulbs get super hot, so they would clearly produce some killer sizzles. I leaned over my lamp, collect some spit in mouth, and let a good-sized drop fall onto the bulb. What happened next confused me. The light went out and my room was completely black. I did not what had happened, so I leaned further over my lamp, and moved my face in closer. That was a mistake. The light bulb loudly exploded in face. Having heard glass explode, followed by my screams, my parents rushed into my room to find me crying.

  Parents: What happened?!?! What happened?!?!
Me: THE LAMP EXPLODED IN MY FACE!!!! I THINK I HAVE GLASS IN MY EYES!!!!
  Parents: What?!?! How did the lamp explode???
Me: I don't know, it just exploded!
  Parents: It just exploded?
Me: Yeah, I was just looking at it, then the light went out, then it just exploded.

        My mom rushed me to the hospital emergency room. They were quick to admit me, seeing as how I was an eleven year old, with shards of glass in his eyes. Perhaps one of the most embarrassing moments in my life was when I was sitting back in the doctors chair, as he was putting yellow die in my eyes. He asked me how I got glass in my eyes, and I told him, "Uhhh... I spit on a light bulb... and it blew up... in my face."

         And that's pretty much the end of that story. He got all the glass out, and luckily my already poor vision was not worsened. We got home and my dad told my mom, "I was looking around his room. There was this glass of water, maybe some spilled and caused it to explode."

        My mom just pointed at me and said, "No. He spit on the light bulb, and it blew up."




*By "occasionally" I mean "two, maybe three times." Also, by "hours," I mean, like, "two minutes." I mean, it was cool, but jeez, it wasn't that entertaining.